Dear Mother In-Law, Let Your Son's Wife Rule Her Home

You see, this is a topic most Nigerians probably find trivial. But  we as a people often forget that mother in-laws are every where. If we keep ignoring this issue, its next fall could be our doorstep.

But as usual, I will talk about anything, including this! 

So, I'm going to start from why some mothers find it difficult to allow their son's wife be in charge of her home?

Why is it so hard to let your son's wife handle the business in her home?

I find it funny to hear some mothers spew lines like " If I hadn't nurtured him, would you have married him?". Excuse me, like for real?

Because you have nurtured him, it has given you access to be so rude and overwhelming in your son's home? If you can't just have the back seat, why didn't you marry your son?

Like, are the ladies supposed to be scared because of a woman who thinks nurturing is a big deal that is so inclined to minding your business?

Just because you feel threatened by the presence of another woman in your son's life doesn't mean you should make his home a living hell.

I am not saying, you should ignore your son's home or family totally, but know when to step aside! For a fact, you should let your son's wife take some wholly decisions. It is not your call anymore, don't you get it? You had your own home. Let your son's wife have hers.

Don't call just to ask your son if his wife has fed him. It is none of your business.

Don't ask your son's wife if he gives her money?

Don't ask him for ridiculous "favour" like coming to help you buy foodstuffs in the market when you know he doesn't do so for his wife.

Don't call to tell your son things to take him farther away from his wife?

Let your son's  wife take care of her husband's finances

Let your son's wife take certain decisions ion her home.

Like, stay in your lane!

You shouldn't dictate when your son sleeps with his wife. Oh yeah, it gets this extreme in some families.

I planned to make this short, so I will just stick to the plan but the overview of this whole thing is that "Mother In-laws need to let their son's wives be"

Nobody cares whether you sold all your wrappers to send him to school, and no woman truly cares if he buys bugatti for you, but it is just ideal to show some iota of respect for your son's wife.

The truth is, if a man takes care of his wife and children, the wife don't really care how he spends his money. Women just turn FBI modes if they suspect a reckless spending style with no result, or a financial deficit that shouldn't be. This is when a woman puts her investigative mode.

I wish some mothers really know that.

Be nice enough to follow this blog for more juicy trivial topics and share too!

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Dear Nigerian Madams, That "House Girl" Is A Child Too!

Recently, there have been lots of stories flying all over social media about acclaimed madams who mistreat their maids. I saw this while growing up. There was this particular madam living in a fine house not far away from our own face me, I face you.

She brought this girl about 7  from the village. I didn't know much at the time but I remember Chisom, her name. Chisom and I meet at the stream as early as 5am in the morning. I woke up that early to do house chores and prepare early for school. But Chisom, she fetched water to fill two big drums and bath her nieces, her aunt's two children and to prepare food for the family. A seven years old child. 

Not only did Chisom do all these, Chisom also hawked during the day when other children were in school. She hawked fruits. Few minutes before three O'clock, She returns to go pick the children in school, once they are all home, she prepares their food and wash their school uniform. Chisom is just 3 years older than the first of the two children.

Need I forget, Chisom was severly beaten for numerous crimes she committed or not. Chisom wore tattered clothes, at a time my mom gave her some of my used clothes. Her aunt came and fought my mom telling her to mind her business. Chisom was beaten particularly this time for "reporting" her aunt that she didn't buy her clothes...

Chisom was eventually sent back to her mom somehow. I didn't get the full gist then but I remember a woman, probably Chisom's mom who had a fight with the aunt and took Chisom away. Since then, I haven't seen Chisom.

But my point really is, why do Nigerian madams find it difficult to give enough care and attention to the child maid? Most times, these madams promise the family of these child-maids to send them to school and give them a better life that the village couldn't offer. They promise to care for the child. But as soon as they arrive Oshodi or Ojodu-berger, those promises vanish. And these madams become monstrous beasts in gowns and Mary Kay. They don't send these children to school, they don't buy them clothes, they don't feed them properly. Asking them not to eat meat, fish or egg is ridiculous. They don't even allow them communicate with their family privately because of the fear of them telling their family the truth. They isolate these child-maids when they go out. Somehow you will, you will realize the difference among the children of the madams and the maid just judging by the outlook.

And the men, the husbands of these madams overlook the child abuse and inhumane behaviours exhibited by their wives. They turn deaf ears and blind eyes to the wickedness perpetrated on these child-maids. Sometimes, these men sexually abuse these defenceless and powerless children. Even if the madam knows, she beats the child on top and claim she is "seducing" her husband. She claims the maid has an ogbanje spirit...

Haba Madam...

Fear God! Fear the future! Your children will grow up too. Are you not afraid?

That that child you "kill" with house chores might beat your children and abuse them in your absence

That that child you "dress" in rags might steal your things because you deprive them of little sweetness.

That that child you "refuse" meat, fish and egg will steal your child's meat in your absence or steal your money to buy things outside

That that child you beat even after your husband " to sexually abuse" her will oneday retaliate by abusing your child too?

That child is human too. That child needs care like your child. That child needs clothes like your child. That child needs love and attention.

Stop the cruelty Nigerian madams. Stop it please!

Have the fear of tomorrow when you may need help from anybody...

Even the "house girl/boy"!

The World Doesn't Want A SHE-ro! - Case Study; The Mandelas

Following the tragic event of the death of Winnie Mandela, as observed, people were concious of her inadequacies. Her flaws. Her imperfections. They quickly pointed out, the reasons why she went to jail, even though she denied the allegations until her death. They quickly pointed out the fourteen years old boy she murdered, the cases of adulteries, the whites she killed or that were killed following her instructions...

BUT they simply forgot, that she fought tooth and nail to liberate South Africa, she fought tirelessly to maintain the legacy of her husband. She went to prison for the cause. And the belief!

But the world didn't see these. They saw an adulterous woman, a woman who wasn't there for her husband maritally, a woman who didn't respect her vows, they saw all that.

FORGETTING that Nelson too was wayward maritally, he slept with many women. He had children out of wedlock. He divorced more than once. He had infidelity cases.

But, Nelson's flaws are not seen or are ignored because the world only wants to see and identify with a hero and not a Shero.

This played out even with Bill. Everyone justified his infidelity and saw it as normal for a man to cheat.

This played out with Donald who is currently married to his third wife.

The world won't see these men but is quick to see a woman who is fulfilling her sexual needs even when abandoned, as if it is the woman that is expected to not cross the moral yard stick. As if women aren't expected to have sexual urges with other men.

They won't say this, but do you know that Hillary's major votes came from the women. Majorly, men find it difficult to accept a female president. They find it hard to identify with a woman president and be tagged as "first gentleman".

If you think this is just fallacy, I will leave you to watch "Supergirl", a superhero movie and the female counterpart of super man. First, why wasn't the movie named "superwoman"? Why was the inferior adjective of a woman used instead?. To talk about the challenges of the protagonist  and the ideals of the movie itself is another thing.

Well, I leave you with this from KENNY BRANDMUSE

"If you have been following the way the global media have been portraying Winnie Mandela since yesterday, you would realize that no matter how successful a woman is, the world never looks past her flaws. Or the fact that a woman is supposed to be a man’s wife or an ex-wife! I did a quick scan of male heroes we love to celebrate, I found out that most of them had major flaws. Some even committed atrocities that spat on their good intentions.

No, we don’t talk about Nelson Mandela’s first marriage to Evelyn Ntoko Mase and how they divorced after 13 years due to his adultery and constant absences from the marriage. It’s ok for Nelson. It’s not ok for Winnie. It’s ok for Bill or the Donald to have flaws. It’s not ok for Hillary. A man hero is supposed to have a tragic flaw like the famous Trojan’s Achilles. And that’s ok, but a woman may not. Our most enduring imagery of a woman is the Virgin Mary. A rose petal, a freshly laundered white linen. A Nightingale.

Woeman. Winnie. What a World!"

Hello, Men Commit Suicide More. You Care To Know Why?

While the world is selfishly focusing on feminism, and empowering the girl child alone...

The prisons get congested with men- Because, nobody is mentoring the boys anymore. They are growing up without proper education and information needed to live a decent life.

But that's not for today, Do you know?

Though mental health issues are less taboo than they were in the past, and certainly more people are getting treated for them (at least pharmaceutically), the suicide rate is still high – especially for men. The World Health Organization estimates that about one million people take their own lives each year, and this is not counting those who attempt it but are not “successful.” In just about every country, men commit suicide more frequently than women, which is intriguing since women typically have higher (at least, reported) rates of mental health disorders like depression. A new study looked at the factors that might explain why certain groups of men are so much more likely than women to take their own lives. Why?

The society places much more expectations on men- With the current economic dispensation, men have had to "toughen" up and "man" up with their expectations. They indulge in more side hustles, they take sometimes unreasonable business risks, they indulge in illegitimate business more than the women. And most times, when the consequences of these things backfires, they gradually fall into depression and sometimes take their own lives.

The inflation rate in the market has added more pressure for family upkeep. One paint of garri used to be N200 naira now, it goes as high as N800 in the market. To cook a soup of N1,000 now demands proper planning and serious price-battering in the market. Even so, the soup finishes in the span of two days. Wives now demand for more money from the husbands. The husbands feel the financial pressure and they gradually fall into depression, hence to commit suicide isn't farfetched!

Respect for men is gradually dimishing- In the last few decades, more women and wives have seen the need to be amongst the working class. Many wives now see the need to support their husbands finacially, hence, they join their husbands in the labour market. However, as much as this development has helped to check the financial stabilities in many homes, it is also dragging along with it, the diminshing respect most wives have for their husbands. Many women now feel that, if they share the financial burden in the home, men too need to share the burden of house chores and babysitting. This theory most times don't sit too well with the men. Except for few who don't mind doing some home chores, most men vividly see home chores and babysitting as exclusively for the women. And if arguments as regard this contemporary sharing of responsibilities come up, the women are quick to blame the men for not being able to "provide" all that is needed at home. Hence, men start feeling low. The long reoccurence of this incessant argument on who pay which bill(s), and who should do which chore, often times lead to domestic violence. The women either die in the process, sustain injury and eventually leave the marriage or they approach the court. Either way, the men fall into depression and commit suicide or bag a jailterm and some simply walk away.

The increase in rape- Lately, the news of a female child being abused by an adult man now flies all over the place. This is an evidence that more men now indulge in sexually molesting young female child. And when some of these men are caught, they are either arrested and sent to jail or mobbed. Even so, the shame and stigma that arise from this shameful act perpetrated by the men often cause them to commit suicide.

But, is suicide the solution to all of these identified problems? The solution to these problems boils down to one thing. A stable and effective economic environment, flexible enough to reduce inflation rates, sane enough to allow the women respect the husbands more when they feel he is "manning" up financially, and a working legal system truthful enough to handle domestic violence properly and put perpetrators behind bars. Men too suffer rape, men too suffer domestic violence.

 

 

 

The Things Side Chics Do To Prove Their Fuckery

So, I have had a recent development on my facebook page. Lots of side chics proving their muscles.

Don't be surprised, nowadays a side chic can comfortably confront the wife and ask her why she is sleeping with her side cock. LOL.

I even read that men now watch their wives beaten up by side chics. SMH

The things side chic do for fuckery, they now have the bouyancy to rant about their achivements being a side chic and disclose how deeply they have entrapped the man to tell them the problems and faults of the wife. In other words, they become the secret keeper and the determinant of how a man treats his wife.

The things side chic do for fuckery, they are proud to tell and show the world how they saved the marriage of the the side cock. They now proudly say " I told him to go meet his wife"

S--H--O--C--K--E--R...

Hello B***ch, you will ALWAYS be a side chic. If he had wanted you, he wouldn't have gotten a separate sim for your communication only. He wouldn't have passworded his phones just to keep the darting eyes of his queen away. He would have proudly showed you off to his family instead of the wife.

You don't think so? Duh!

You think he will simply divorce his wife and go pay your dowry just because you give him 6-9 pose? Or because you suck his D while he is taking a shower. Oh yeah, he tells you his wife's weak points? Dear side chic, he is simply doing all this to own you and stop you from noticing your own husband. 

He wept when you told him you were done, have you heard of crocodile's tears? He would do those things he did for you to the girl next door.

Grow up! And leave another woman's husband alone! 

Stop allowing happenings that will make you write and unneccessary epistle about being used, dumped and irrelavant achievement in the journey of your fuckery with another woman's husband!

Be done!

Dear Feminists, Just Because Your Marriage Didn't Work Doesn't Mean Other Ladies Shouldn't Get Married

I am tired. I am tired of seeing "men" as only the problem in a relationship. It is okay to fight for girls against rape, assault, battery and the rest but please don't scare girls away from marriage. 

If your marriage didn't work, it doesn't mean other people's marriages won't work. Leave ladies who have decided to be a stay-at-home mom alone, leave ladies who have decided to have a joint account with their husband alone, leave ladies who have decided to kneel while serving their husband's food alone. Leave those who can't take a decision without their husband alone. Please, leave them alone.

Some ladies have decided to be "submissive", leave them alone. Don't go about on social media trying to paint men as the only problems in marriage. Stop campaign against decent respect in marriage. Stop using the fight against rape, assault, battery and domestic violence as a weapon for women to deny their husbands sex.

Men too are abused in marriage. Men too suffer in marriages. Men too are assaulted and raped in marriages. You don't hear this because you have structured your mind to believe that only women suffer these things.

These men keep silent because the society expects them to "man" up always. To be strong even when they are weak. To show fierce even when all they wanna do is lean on a shoulder.

And just because your marriage didn't work doesn't mean you should discourage other women from going into marriage. Leave women who have decided to be married alone.

Please!